Friday, May 22, 2015

Memorial Day Weekend

I am actually off this Saturday and Sunday. Both days are booked. Saturday there is a wedding. Sunday there is a family reunion. 
Everyone is getting together and celebrating this or that and I just sort of feel numb. 
My period was 5 days late. That was 5 days of hoping it would stay late for 36+ weeks. Heartbroken again. 
Maybe we aren't meant to have another mini Jackson. 
I'm not going to lie- I was slightly relieved with everything going on right now. However, it wouldn't be a bad thing to have a wee tot again. 
It hurts every time Boston asks me if he can have a brother or a sister. I just tell him to pray about it. 
I'm just sort of feeling empty. Funny how I had been fine until my due date just recently passed. Now, I was late and I'm NEVER late - just to have it show up and mock me. Well, at least it feels that way. 
I'm wondering if I'll ever get over this. 
I pretty much wonder daily what these last few weeks would've been like had we not miscarried. I wonder who you'd be. 
Meh. 

No comments:

Post a Comment