Itchy itchy

Mosquitoes. 

How I loathe thee. 

I've been on itchy hot mess all summer. It wouldn't be so bad if they were just bites. Mine swell. They get red. They're hot. Allergic much? 

And! I haven't been able to shave my legs most of the summer bc I've had over 35 bites on my legs alone. :( 

Dear Noah- why??

Feeling Blue

I have been sort of down in the dumps since we lost our baby. 

I am unhappy with my job. 

I am unhappy that I didnt get to hold a bundle of joy in May. 

I am unhappy that I am my own worst enemy. 

However- I think it is in times like these where you have to find the positive and good things that you do have. 

My job may not be the best- but at least I have one. 

My little boy and husband are the lights of my life and I look forward to being with them every day. 

I own my car. 

The sun is shining.

I really do have a great sense of humor. 

I can get along with anyone regardless of personal beliefs. 

I am strong in character, will, and heart. 

I am physically strong. 

I have friends that are like my family- and that is always a great thing. 

I have a little neighbor girl that adores learning new things. We are teaching her how to fingerpraint and use chalks. 

I can still play soccer with my son. Though- I am getting rusty. 

I am alive and I am capable of feeling a range of emotions- which keeps me grounded. 

I am loved and I get to reciprocate that love and really, isn't that what life is about? Loving your fellow man? 

I think so. 

Reflections while doing the laundry

II'm sure this will be the most important post you've never read.. 

We went to a wedding on Saturday. It was small. It was inexpensive. It was exactly what I think a wedding should be. Though, I'm not one for fanfare or attention. I prefer the behind the camera action as opposed to being in front of the lens. 

Anyhoot- 

My husband officiated. 

She wore a sundress and red chuck taylors. 

He wore a suit and a pink shirt and was approximately 6'8" tall- making my 6'4" husband look shrimpy. That was a first. 

Anyway- people cried. I do's were said. BBQ immediately followed photos. I brought my camera but I didn't snap any shots bc the photographer was a friend and well, I didn't want to whip out my set up. Toes didn't need to be stepped on and I didn't want to get in the way. 

Anyway- I've got crazy tan lines- well, let's be honest - burn lines. I don't tan right away anymore. Seeeeeee

Most attractive photo goes to..... Not me. :D notice the zit? I thought I'd be done with that at my age. Wrong! 

So- beautiful day. Beautiful wedding. Stopped off at a Starbucks on our way home. Sweet elixir of life. 

Got home- made crazy amounts of food for our family reunion. 

Eggs from our friends farm for deviled eggs. 

Cowboy caviar. 

Pasta salad. 

Then I slept for about 4 hours- got up went to church. And then off to the reunion. 

Cousins played. 

Man and boy swung on swings. 

We went home- I dropped those two nuts off at the roller skating rink. 

Simple things. It's about the simple things. I had one of the most enjoyable weekends I've had in a while and it was all based around simple joys. No frills. No $$$$$ spent- just family and fellowship. ❤️ life is good. 

Memorial Day Weekend

I am actually off this Saturday and Sunday. Both days are booked. Saturday there is a wedding. Sunday there is a family reunion. 

Everyone is getting together and celebrating this or that and I just sort of feel numb. 

My period was 5 days late. That was 5 days of hoping it would stay late for 36+ weeks. Heartbroken again. 

Maybe we aren't meant to have another mini Jackson. 

I'm not going to lie- I was slightly relieved with everything going on right now. However, it wouldn't be a bad thing to have a wee tot again. 

It hurts every time Boston asks me if he can have a brother or a sister. I just tell him to pray about it. 

I'm just sort of feeling empty. Funny how I had been fine until my due date just recently passed. Now, I was late and I'm NEVER late - just to have it show up and mock me. Well, at least it feels that way. 

I'm wondering if I'll ever get over this. 

I pretty much wonder daily what these last few weeks would've been like had we not miscarried. I wonder who you'd be. 

Meh. 

Thankful

I am continually humbled by my friends. They give without any expectation of receiving. They dig in and help when I need it most- physically or emotionally. 

I thank God for blessing me with such a great group of loving people. With out them, I'd surely be missing a piece of life that is so needed. 

❤️

Moving. Always moving.

I just want to say- if I never move again in my lifetime- it'll be great. 

Though, with my husbands chosen profession I don't see us not moving around. 

I'm surrounded by boxes, packing supplies, and a bittersweetness that I can't explain.

On top of moving my due date would've been in a short few days. I'm sort of emotionally trashed. 

So, here Is a photo to reflect on. 

God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. John 1:5

Always try to find the Light. 

Always Remember