Caturday

Such a doll. 

Adventure in Depression Era Baking

So, my dad talks about a 'boiled raisin cake' my grandma used to make. He wishes he got the recipe bc my aunt had it and threw it away. She threw it away. Yes, family recipes + garbage = what on earth were you thinking?!?!?!

He mentions this cake once and a while. Personally, I don't like raisins. I wouldn't think twice about it for myself- but he's mentioned it quite a few times this year. 

So, I turned to my friend, the internet. It's vast expanse surely would help me. And, it did. All I typed was, 'depression era boiled raisin cake recipe' and, voilà! It appeared. About 1,000 recipes appeared. All similar with slight differences. Some in tube pans- some in 9x13 or 8x8 or loaf pans. Which one?!?! I ended up going with the one that used the most raisins. My dad loves raisins. I do not. Can I say it again, 'I DO NOT LIKE RAISINS!!' 

Anyway, it's in the oven. It smells really great. Too bad I won't even taste it. 

I figure I will frost it with a caramel frosting. I will deliver it around dinner time. I figure, it doesn't hurt to have dessert, right? 

I am also going to try my hand at caramels today. I have a birthday I will be baking for soon and I am leaning toward a salted caramel frosted chocolate cupcake. I figure putting a salted caramel on top wouldn't hurt, right?

Busy bee. Busy bee. And on a side note- I need motivation to return to the gym. I've been really bad the last fewlontha with making time for myself. And I'm heading down a slippery slope. :\ and can I just make more sugary items? I mean lack of exercise and eating sugar is always the best. I'm a better baker than I am a burpee buster. 

xoxo -j

Treadmill vs. Street

I ran with my son the other day. Normally, I run like a hamster on a treadmill- but he wanted to run outside. Fine by me. It was beautiful. 

Having not run outdoors yet this year, I forgot how different it is to run without that black belt whirling beneath your feet. 

I'm. Sore. 

My turbo. And I don't know why pics are always blurry when I upload them. But I'm getting frustrated. Maybe my file size isn't compatible. I'll have to look into it. 

Kitty Love

This is my alarm clock. Her name is Mable. I love her dearly. 

Oh Beans.

Today is my day off. I am tired and hot. The air is humid and unforgiving. I am going to go run.  I don't know how far I will make it today. I haven't gone to the gym or done any extra exercise in a few weeks.  My vacation and I weren't best of friends with the gym time promises.  I didn't get to go 4 times only 2 and I totally pigged out. I ate everything I could have possibly wanted to eat with a few subtractions simply because I was so stuffed.
Then, when I got back from vacation, 3 days later Stephen left for California for 11 days. Basically, I have been on a 3 week hiatus.  This hiatus ends.  It ends today.  I am determined to get back into the swing of things.  I have lost 25lbs.  I still have about 35 to go.  That sounds so daunting- but I am at least realistic about it.  I know it won't just come crashing off of me like it would have when I was 20... oh wait, I thought I was fat at 20.  Right.  I weighed what I'd like to weigh now when I was 20.
I am not harping on myself.  I eat pretty balanced meals and I don't normally pig out on junk food. Sweets are one of my downfalls- but lately, I have been trying to keep fruit around to curb the sweet tooth. I have just been slack.  I have been thinking about running a 5k in September. I would have been able to do it easily had I just kept up with my work outs.  That is my own fault.  I could have made the time.  I was just too tired to go.  Which, again, sounds like an excuse.  I have been thinking about going to the gym after work.  I mean, I get out at 2- but then, I wouldn't be able to pick up my son from school.  He really enjoys that.  School is only about another month- but I don't feel like I should be waiting that long to get back into it.
I have always struggled with weight.  I am not built to be a size 2.  In all truth of the saying, I am "big boned". I am taller than both my mother and sister.  My wrist is about 2 times the size of theirs. I am built with German and Polish engineering.  I am in no way, dainty. I am in no way, petite. Well, maybe in two places I am dainty- my feet are only a size 6.5 and my nose has been called a nubbin by many a folk. Oh, ok, 3 places- my hands/fingers are long and thin- but my shoulders? Pffffft.  In the 80's, I needed no shoulder pads.
When I played soccer I was a beast.  I wasn't afraid of anything.  I was the intimidator not the damsel in distress.  I took no prisoners and I still tend to adopt that mentality.  Though, I have lost the whole intimidation thing.  That is merely for sports. However, I still believe in the all or nothing- and take no prisoners.  I have a tendency to be so sarcastic that the combination of my personality and sarcasm does actually intimidate people.  Not my intention- but oh well.  I can't control how someone else feels.

Anyway- lazy slack ends today.

Mysterious Ways

I have a secret. 

If I could marry a food and not be frowned upon, I'd marry the Oikos Apple Pie Greek yogurt. I love it. I love it for breakfast. I love it at lunch. I love it as a snack. 

I am eating it right now. I nearly exploded when we started carrying it at work. I love it bc it is just yogurt. There are no pieces of pie crust or hunks of apple in the yogurt. It is pure heaven. 

Yesterday I went shopping. I always go to the grocery store early in the am on a payday and raid their discounted meat. I don't care. I have no shame. I freeze it all anyway- who cares if it spoils in 2 days from the markdown date? I don't. I went to the store bc they have their 'meal deal' running. Basically, you buy a big pack of ground beef and you get a slew of things for free. So, for about $20 I got 4lbs+ of ground beef, hamburger buns, cookies, baked beans, cheese slices, potato salad, a can of Manwich, and a 12 pack of water. Not bad if you ask me.  I then got pork chops, cube steaks, a chuck roast, and various other meats. I picked up yogurt, almonds, creamer, Greek yogurt dip, some veggies, and watermelon for the wee man and spent under $60. It was a good haul- especially seeing how I picked up some unnecessary items. 

I went to target. This place is my personal Achilles heel. Thankfully, I picked up some needed items before I went crazy over a few things that's weren't life or death, like, this sweater: 

If you can't tell- there are little whales all over it. It was on sale. I couldn't say no. It fits my personality to a T. Though, I wish it were pink and not green. The green is nice with my complexion though. Normally green and I aren't friends. 

I then hopped over to Marshall's. Mind you- I was looking for a Mother's Day gift. Naturally, I found nothing for my mother and several things for me. However, I buckled down and only bought these shoes: 

Taylor swift keds for $19. The only thing I like created by that young woman. :) I saved a lot. They retail at $55. Pffft. No way would I pay $55 for keds. It was hard enough spending $19. Haha. I also bought some paper loaf pans. They're cute. I figure for Father's Day I am going to make pound cakes. May as well use cute and disposable instead of ugly and have to chase it down to get it back pans. 

Today I was called into the office. I am a nervous person as it is- being called back is never something I want to do. So, I go to the back sheepishly. To get told my dept has taken a complete 180 since I've taken it over. They are currently looking for people to place in an accelerated management program- would I be interested. Blink. Blink. Is, 'duh' and inappropriate response? Lol I said yes, graciously. I've been put on a list with 4 or so others. Now, it's a lottery. A waiting game. I had just been talking about how I work really hard and feel like it goes unnoticed. I guess not. Now, I wait. 

Needed a bit of encouragement today

So, I made this.

I struggle at times with just letting go.  I work very hard all the time.  I always give 110%. I am probably one of the few people that actually breaks a sweat while working in a sub zero freezer- but there are times I think my hard work goes unnoticed.  That hard work in all aspects of my life.  I am not a bible thumping Christian.  I believe in God.  I tend to keep to myself bc afterall, I have a preacher for a husband.  I guess I should call him my preacher in training. He explains the bible in ways that I wouldn't even be able to begin to form a sentence.

Anyway, I just thought that this verse was appropriate today.  Well, any other day, too. 

Kati Kati

I have a favorite coffee mug.  I got it in 2004 at a downtown starbucks when my parents visited Seattle in October.  I remember a lot.  This was a pretty difficult time in my life. I had made some fairly large decisions in recent months that have impacted my life to create who I am today.

I broke off an engagement to a person I had been with nearly 10 years. This is why my parents were in Seattle.  They had vacation time around my wedding date- why waste it?

I moved into a new apt with a new roomie after finding a new job.

I met my future husband.

I got this coffee mug as we were getting ready to take the underground tour of Seattle.  My dad loves history- so, this was on the list of to do's.

This mug is actually the color scheme of my non existent wedding- the outside is a nice smooth flat chocolate brown.  The inside is a nice glazed light pink.  The handle is the perfect shape and size.  The mug fits perfectly into my hand.  I remember thinking at the time that I should buy a set of 4- 2 with pink innards and 2 with baby blue innards.  I decided on just one.  It was a strange sense of being alone/independence.

I just thought- who am I going to have over for coffee?  It would just be my roomie and I- and at that point a guy I was dating.  My roomie had her own mugs.  I had my stuff.  My doting dater had his own place- and let's face it- I never made my own coffee.  I always went out for it.  I was single. I was well paid.  I had no real sense of responsibility to anyone but myself.  I was liberated and throwing money at a barista at least 3 times a day.  Americano, Mocha, Latte- blah blah blah.  I could slap myself for being so frivolous then.  If one could step 10 years backwards into time to back hand oneself- this would've been good to do... now.

Jenn now scolds Jenn back then.  However, there is a tinge of envy there.  It stares at me, leering like a cat waiting for you to wiggle your toe just one more time.  Frivolous.  I miss being frivolous just a little bit.  If I were to do it now- I'd feel guilty.  I don't 'waste' money anymore.  I don't buy myself lots of new shiny things anymore.  My entire focus is on my son.  Everything I do- is done for him.

Anyway-  this mug.  It is my absolute favorite mug.  It reminds me of a time I should have been wiser with my money- but just didn't care.  It reminds me of new beginnings.. and stories being completed.  The mug itself is a symbol of 10 years ago.  This mug is a reminder of how far I have come and how much my priorities have shifted.  I know to some people this is pure stupidity- but I don't care.  This mug is a piece of who I was-and it is perfect.  I love it.  I don't think about the mugs origins often- but when I do, when I sit and think about the things I have been through- this mug is my favorite reminder of a very confusing and selfish time.  Is it odd that I like it so much?  Is it odd that I can admit to being selfish and that I enjoyed it? I don't know.  I think being honest with yourself and your loved ones is one of the best thing you can do.

I admit it.  I am not perfect.

On this rainy evening I am sitting here drinking coffee out of this much adored mug.  I am drinking Kati Kati. It isn't my complete favorite- but it is up there in the top 5 coffees. It is sparking me to think of a time when things seemed so muddled and confusing.  Really, I just over complicated things on my own.  It was a simple time, really.

I wasn't in love with the person I was going to marry.
He wasn't in love with me. Though, I don't think he would agree with this statement. However, you don't treat people you love the way I had been.
I was hurt.  I was angry.  I was scared.
I had a realization that he and I were not meant to be.  We differed on so many levels.  I saw divorce in our future and we weren't even married yet.
Then came the admittance of infidelities. I. was. over. it.
I lost friends.  So, I guess they weren't really friends to begin with.
I lost weight. Rapidly.
I gained friends.
I gained weight.
I gained a husband that actually loves and cares for me completely.
I gained a son. The best gift I have ever been given.
I gained an understanding of self..

and all of this is realized when I drink coffee out of this coffee mug.

I am a better person than I was 10 years ago.  I am still learning and growing.  I now give myself some slack.  I made the right decisions.  I now look back at it all as a lesson.

My snugglebug

She's my buddy. She cat napped with me this afternoon. ❤️

How are ya, How have you been

Don't bother to pack your bags or a map...

I always cry at endings.

I've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots..

Iron and Wine Kind of Day